Swahili 101 and a Little Nairobi Slang

Swahili is one of the most widely spoken of all African languages (probably followed by Zulu and its variants) and is probably accessible to near 150 million people in the East Africa region alone. Swahili is the regional lingua franca with roots that can be traced back to the first millennium AD! The language developed as a shared language between the Arabs and the coastal people they came across. It is found in use throughout East Africa (Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda, Rwanda and Burundi) but is also spoken to the north - in parts of Somalia and Ethiopia - and as far south as northern Mozambique and Zambia.

However, Swahili is the mother tongue to only 20 million people living on the East African coast. These are the true Swahili people – Mswahilini – who, for Centuries, struck fear into the hearts of the Bantu people. For a long time it was Arab and Bantu, trader and slave, starting at the slave-trading island of Zanzibar.

Today still, the most pure Swahili is found among the Zanzibaris, thereafter within greater Tanzania, followed quite a way later by the Swahili found in Kenya - with Nairobi Swahili considered to be ‘Sheng’, or Swahili slang, rather than true Swahili.

Nairobians sometimes don't even understand Swahili as it is spoken in Mombasa. When I moved around Nairobi with Husna, she often had to repeat herself. And when I was with her in Mombasa, it was just charming to listen to the lyrical sound of her speaking with her brother.

An interesting difference between Nairobi and Mombasa is that in Nairobi you would use of the term “patie" (put-ee-eh) at a shop. It means “give me …”, but if you use this in Mombasa you are considered rude. In their use of Swahili (and according to their custom) you would say "zaidie" (zai-dee-eh)..."could you please help me with …” (and in Nairobi they think you want it for free when you use the term).

Interestingly, the Swahili alphabet – formalized in the 1930’s – includes all the letters of the English alphabet except for ‘Q’ and ‘X’ yet 'Q' and 'X' are the dominant letters in the Xhosa alphabet! Alphabet theft. The Xhosa took the letters and spread south.

***

William Kingi posted this piece on Facebook that I thought was quite fascinating:

The Swahili language is a work of art that has been in the making for more than 500 years and is still evolving. I wish to share some facts about the language that enthuse me. This beautiful language is an agglutinative Bantu language, but what intrigues most is how heavily it has borrowed from other languages.

Few speakers of the language are aware of how often they use words borrowed from other languages in common speech.

From the Arabs came the numbers: sita (six), saba (seven) and tisa (nine). From the Persians (present Iran), Swahili co-opted: Chai (tea), achari (pickle), serikali (government), and diwani (councilor). India’s contribution came in the form of chapati, biryani, duka (shop) and harambee (charity/benefit). Our former colonial masters the English gave Swahili words like baiskeli (bicycle), basi (bus), penseli (pencil), koti (coat), and mashine (machine). It conjured up shule (school) and hela (coins) from the Germans.

This past holiday season, a friend holidayed in Portugal. As we were talking, I happened to mention that Swahili had borrowed from the Portuguese language as well. I knew some few words, but when she asked me which ones, I went searching and what I dug up in terms of volume utterly amazed me. Here are some cool ones:

Bandera (flag), baraza (public meeting), bastola (gun), bata (buck), biblia (bible), bibo (cashew fruit), bomba (pump), buli (teapot) chapa (cane), faranga (chick), foronya (pillowcase), gereza (prison), hospitali (hospital), idadi (amount or count), kasha (box), kopa (loan), kopo (pot), korosho (cashew nut), leso (scarf), limao (lemon), meza (table), mvinyo (wine), padre (priest), pao (cool), pera (Guava), pesa (coin), pilau, pipa (bin), ratili (scale), saa (time), safari, shuka (sheet of cloth), sukari (suger), tarumbeta (trumpet), yaya (maid). These are just but a few of the words.

Ain’t it amazing?

***

I don’t pretend to speak Swahili (or, more properly, Kiswahili1) well, but I'm understood well enough to ‘get around’ most situations. My command of the grammatical aspects is terrible but I usually got the message across. It's crude but it works.

Wewe! Kuja hapa! Sasa! Weka una matako hapa! Hapana, si hapo!
(You! Come here! Now! Put your ass here! No, not there!)

Kenyans appreciate that you are trying to speak their shared language and will forgive little indiscretions in the use of it. 

***

The beauty of Swahili derives from both the words themselves and the way the words are spoken.

To say something is really bad, one doesn’t have to use the term “sana” to stress it. One just has to extend the “mbaya” to “mbaaaaaaya!”. Similarly, with many of the adjectives used in Swahili.

I love the use of the term ni nini meaning “it's what?” or, referring to an un-named thing (or if you forgot what it's called), a nini-nini, a ”what-what”. 

Another term that is almost an expression on it's own, is sindio?, meaning “not so?” It derives from si, meaning “not” and ndyo, meaning “yes”! The reply to this is often "ndyo!" (it IS so).

Many a statement, on just about any subject, is followed by sindio? – “isn’t it true?” There is also a special way of using the term that I can’t begin to explain here, but it is saying “I know it to be true even though I’m asking you!” But it’s a beautifully self-affirming statement to the effect that the orator is being truthful in what he or she is saying.

***

When I first arrived in Kenya I was repeatedly greeted by the term “Jambo!2” A while after I first arrived I started being greeted by the term “Mambo!” I started thinking about these two terms, both greetings. And then I thought about the English term “mumbo-jumbo”, meaning something that is unintelligible. I realised then that the term mumbo-jumbo came from Swahili greetings made to the Colonials. The colonists, not knowing what was being said to them, adopted the term to denote anything they couldn’t understand at all! Sad, really.

***

Somehow in Nairobi I metamorphosed and started gaining an identity beyond that of a white Kenyan. By osmosis I changed.

I probably went through four shades of Kenyan identity in the eyes of Kenyans and most of it hinged on my growing command of Swahili. But sometimes it hinged on something else entirely:

Nearly three decades ago, my ‘ex’ gave me a kikoi of hers. Beating all odds, the kikoi has managed to stay with me, through many phases of life. It has narrowly escaped battery acid, and consistently avoided oil paint. It has been prey only to one blotch of indelible marking ink (plus there’s a tear I need to fix). It is now monochromatic pink with one dark stripe.

It’s something I always take when I go on holiday. It works well as a wrap, as a towel, and as a sun resistant screen for my balding head. So, of course, it followed me to Mombasa.

As is my wont, I wrapped the kikoi round my voluminous frame before heading for the beach. Replete with Hawaiian shirt (but no sunglasses), I started the long stroll from the far end of Mombasa beach towards the main bathing area (Kenyatta Beach, or Pirate Beach).

Not a thought was given to the fact that the kikoi had originally come from Kenya three decades ago (and it shows)!

So there I was, minding my own business, strolling ever so slowly down the steadily-narrowing beach … (the tidal effect is very marked in Mombasa).

The first thing I noticed was that I was NOT being approached by any of the curio vendors, and sellers of miscellaneous tourist gear, that line the beach. If nothing else, there was a nod. But the second thing I noticed – I couldn’t avoid it – were the calls that were coming at me from everywhere.

Mambo, rafiki …” (what's news, friend)
Sema?” (speak to me/tell me)
Sasa?” (like 'what's up?')
Habari yako, baba ….?” (how are you, dad?)

And even

Niaje?” (what's up?)

The last being the most informal greeting of the lot and not often accorded a man of my advanced years! I realized to my dismay that I was being taken as Kenyan - despite my colour - simply because of an old faded kikoi. Somewhat mistakenly, there was the notion that here was an mzungu ‘one of us’. And that I replied to the greetings in Kiswahili simply cemented the illusion.

As I walked yup the beach, the looks that traced their way behind me - almost every time - were looking for the “Point-Tee”, the child of mixed race (a “.5” or “Pointy”), that was supposed to be following me.

The Kalenjin kikoi seller immediately asked me the whereabouts of my “Kenyan wife” while the beautiful Kikuyu who claimed to be a model wife asked if I lived in Nairobi. I talked with the (rather good) Kamba painter about local careers in art. As I walked away, the Swahili fisherman wanted to sell me live king prawns “to cook at home”. The (probably) Luhya beach massage “therapist” … she just nodded and smiled.

The kids mostly greeted me with …

MZuuuuuuuuuuuNNNN … GU!”

But there was rapturous laughter, and much falling about, when I replied along the lines of

Sasa, nini mbaya na wewe?!” (So now, what’s wrong with you?!).

Wherever I went, the banter was amazing. I smiled, as only an mzungu in a strange land can. Broadly. The entire 3 km experience was quite amazing.
I mention all this just to say one thing: If you escape the “hustle” that is so much a part of this economically-disenabled country, you find a ‘soul’ or ‘spirit’ (‘roho’ in Kiswahili) inside of Kenya‘s people that is very beautiful. There is a warmth (just see the smiles) among all the Kenyans I encounter. A joy. An ability to laugh at circumstance, and themselves.

And if I could be so accepted and respected, wholly and completely, by the regular folk on the beach … because I was simply wearing a national fabric and I spoke a little Kiswahili … Just imagine ….

If anything, this hints at something I feel quite strongly: That Kenya must ignore the bogey that’s called ‘tribalism’. Kenyans are proud of their diverse nationhood. And they readily embrace other Kenyans, whoever they might be, or wherever from. It's only when the politicians start talking that ethnic rivalry raises its head.

***

When I was first in Nairobi I was seen as msafiri, a traveller or tourist (from the Swahili safari, to travel). I was always greeted with “Jambo!”. I learned that the best reply was “Sana!”, basically meaning “I greet you a lot too!”.

Then, after a while, I got “Mambo!” (What's news?) as a greeting. I knew the customary reply was “Poa!” (I'm cool).

During my second year I was being called Kamau regularly on the streets, mainly by makangas who must have recognised my down-and-out Nairobi look. I jest, but Kamau is the Kenyan equivalent of Smith. He's a regular Kenyan guy. They would say,

Kamau! Sema?” (Smith! What you say?)

By then, I was being greeted just like everyone else.

Sema?” (What do you say?) Poa!
Niaje?” (…) Safi!
Niambie?” (Tell me something?) Hakuna story! Niko sawa!

Then, in my last few weeks I was accorded the honour of Mkenya. A Kenyan. And I was often introduced to someone with the addition of:

Mkenya yeye” (He's Kenyan)

It was meant as an honour to me. I had passed the anonymous test of Kenyan-ness.

***

There is a poetic beauty in the language that comes via the commonly repeated phonemes – mimi, wewe, yeye, sasa, nini – but the way the language is used makes it lovely to hear. Of course, there's also the behavior that goes with the language. It's often lovely to watch too. 

There's an essential gentle spirit built in there somewhere.

A typical start-up conversation in Swahili will go as follows:

Mambo?” (Informal greeting of “What’s news?”)

Your reply might be:

Poa!” (Cool) or “poa sana!” or even “poa-poa!” (If you are feeling exceptional)

Alternatively, you might reply that you are “not bad”:

Si mbaya

Or bad:

Mbaya” (although this is very seldom used without good reason)

On Fridays, particularly, you will be prone to reply:

Salama” (at peace) or “Salama sana” (very peaceful) or “Salama kabisa” (entirely peaceful)

There will be lots of smiling. The conversation will be infused with affirmations and solemn nods. When all is said and done you'll hear “Sawa?” (Okay?) to which you'll hear a definite “Sawa sawa” in response. It's lovely.

Tuanane kesho!” (I'll see you tomorrow!)
Saaaaaaaaaawa!” (Okaaaaaaaaaaay!)

***


After hearing Swahili quite a bit and getting a rough grasp of the language, I mused that you could probably be totally cool in and around Nairobi if you knew just the “Three Esses of Swahili3”.

The First ‘S’:

The word sasa (sah-sah), in proper Swahili, means ‘now’, as in “kuja hapa sasa!”, or “come here now!” But in Nairobi Sheng it denotes more. The first alternate meaning is, I suppose, closest to saying “Hey?” and it might well be used when answering a phone call …

The phone rings. You ‘pick it’ (Kenyan for ‘answer it’) and say:

Sasa?

The response you are most likely to get is:

Poa sana” (meaning ‘cool very’)

And the self-same question follows, from you, again:

Sasa?

To which you might get:

"Poa poa" if your caller is really feeling good today.

Another, slightly more correct use of "sasa" is to say "now ...” but in a more 'open' sense. It's used like:

"Now ... as I was saying"

As a means of re-opening a subject - perhaps a sensitive one - it is spoken softly and has a gentleness and unintrusive subtlety that is very charming. There’s a slight lilt to this usage where the first sah sound is inflected higher.

The Second “S”:

Sema” (seh-mah) in proper Swahili means to 'speak' or to 'say something', yet it is used in a very similar way to “Sasa?” It’s a more informal greeting than “Mambo?” and it means “What do you have to say?”, or “What’s up?”

Again, as with “Sasa?”, it essentially boils down to “How are you?” and again, a version of “Poa” - or maybe a more moderate “Nzuri” (Good) - is likely to follow.

Sema?” has to be distinguished from its usage in “Una sema nini?” meaning ‘What do you say?’, which is a more direct question relating to what was just said, or to someone’s opinion of something.

My best was when I asked one of my staff “Una sema nini?”, to which she replied:

Hakuna story” (“There is no / I have no story”).

Sometimes one is asked “Sema?” perhaps in relation to looking a little preoccupied or unsettled, in which case my colleague's phrase is appropriate, if everything is actually OK.

By way of a small aside, you have to be careful when using variations of the "Hakuna" story...

Hakuna matata” (there are no worries/troubles)
Hakuna matatu” (there is no taxi)
Hakuna matako” (there is no ass)

The Third “S”:

The third “S” – “Sawa” (sah-wah) - is likely the most commonly used word in the Swahili language. Quite simply, it means “OK”.

Any conversation will be infused with numerous uses of sawa along the way and if an arrangement has been made, the conversation will end with “Sawa?” (“OK?”), followed, on the other side, by the affirmative “Sawa-sawa!” (“OK-OK!”) indicating that a firm arrangement or agreement has been reached.

In fact, it often closes a conversation or initiates departure, whether or not there has been any intervening arrangement. It is often just a warm, informal affirmation between friends and also suffices for the more formal “Kwaheri” (“good-bye”), which is seldom used.

***

I guess Nairobi Swahili is somewhat akin to Johannesburg ‘street’ Zulu and is hardly the stuff of high literary lexicons and dictionary discourse. My journalist-friend Peter ran into problems with his Tanzanian editor through an over-reliance on the bastardised script that is Nairobi Swahili.

But a lot of the Swahili spoken in Nairobi won't be found in a phrase book written in Tanzania. Even some of the most-widely used words are bastardised in Nairobi. So what I landed up learning was Sheng, more than Swahili proper. And the way I threw it around appalled Peter. He said I should write a disclaimer for the butchering that results when I use the language. But I got quite taken by Sheng and wrote this little piece:

Ever beautiful, ever dynamic, the people play with their shared language and make it new. On the streets of Nairobi, Kiswahili mutates into a joyous, shared communication across nation, tribe and ethnicity. The Swahili language takes on a new, urban flava. And the flava is called Sheng. And when your use of Sheng has ‘an edge’, it’s “Sheng kali!” (Hot Sheng!). From what I know of Sheng - which is very little - it is a patois that evolves very quickly. ‘Hip’ mums, trying to stay ‘with it’, use the terms all messed up when talking to their teenage daughters. They put adjectives where nouns should be.

Sheng is highly dynamic, widely-used and highly descriptive.

The term “Mambo mbaya” is used in two completely opposite senses, depending entirely on the WAY it is said. Literally, the term means “Bad news”, but when applied to subjects like the quality of music, aesthetics (human or otherwise), or perhaps to the quality of something else, it takes on the same meaning as the term “wicked!” did in the UK some years back.

It takes this meaning only when the emphasis is placed on the second word, mbaya (bad), to which the affirmative reply might be “Sana”, or perhaps the drawn-out “Saaaaana” indicating agreement. What you're saying here is actually, "this is really good …!"

When the emphasis is placed equally on the two words, it is to be understood more literally, as in “BAD NEWS”. Again, the reply could be “sana!” but the word will be spoken in a ‘level’ way, agreeing fully with the observation.

An even greater level of agreement will be had by addition of the term “Kabisa!” (Fully / completely) after the “Sana” while the ultimate agreement would be had from the addition of “Kabisa-kabisa!” (fully and completely!)

In any language, the shades of meaning and nuances attached to words change. This is what the academic field of 'semiotics' is about. Meanings of words vary by place and time. So let me regale you with a lovely example of the semiotic thesis in action.

It’s an example from Sheng and concerns the term “jua kali”.

The term literally means “hot sun” and can be used as an exclamation of outside temperatures in Nairobi:
Jua kaaaaaaali!” [as in, “Sheesh, the sun is hot today”].

In this case, the truth of your comment might be affirmed by:

Saaaaaaaaana!” [very!]
[Accompanied by a little laugh.]

Now the metaphor starts to shift: Because the local metal foundries and informal furniture factories are usually situated in roadside sheds, and the work is largely done in the hot sun, employment in the informal sector has  become known as “jua kali”. If you work in the ‘informal sector’ anywhere, you describe your work as “jua kali” … even if you are forging US Dollars in a dark basement. Isn’t that cool?

Now, because of the dubious skills sometimes found in this ‘informal sector’, the term has gained overtones of being ‘home-made’ and perhaps a bit suspect. In this sense, one would differentiate the work of someone considered a ‘fundi’ (Kiswahili for ‘expert’) from the work of a ‘jua kali’ (in this sense, ‘an amateur’).

[Accompanied by a slight shrug, as in: “Well, you choose who you want to do the job”.]

Ruth’s brother, Steven, showed me his two-year-old USB Flash Drive one day. It was wrapped so severely in insulation tape that it had started to become round. His comment, with his usual dry wit, was that his repairs over the years have been a bit ‘jua kali’.

Over the last few months, Kenya’s hard-core ‘street rap’, called Genge, has been dominated by an artist calling himself ‘JuaCali’. His meaning of the term is most likely ‘home-made’, more akin to ‘home-grown’ music. Just another addition to the lexicon of the term.

The term ‘kali’, too, has a few meanings in local use. In Sheng, it can mean ‘hot’ as in 'overt sexuality’. It can mean ‘strong’ as in cha’ngaa (moonshine). It can mean ‘hot’ as in ‘hot tempered’ (as in Somalis). These uses are all common. Hard drugs (and strong medicine) are both ’dawa kali’. But, my sources tell me, if you’re prone to chemical abuse you are likely to earn the moniker of being kidogo (a little) “chemi-kali”! I love it.

***

I suppose some indication of a country’s essential ‘spirit’ has to be drawn from the words one learns at the very start of one’s experience there.

The first word you learn in Kenya, because you hear it so often, is karibu (you are welcome) or karibu sana (you are very welcome). Then, quite quickly, you learn to say the appropriate asante (thank you) or asante sana (thanks a lot).

Early on, you also hear pole, meaning “I am sorry for you and/or your experience” and the seemingly similar (yet quite distinct) pole-pole meaning “slowly” or “take it easy”.

The personal pronouns of “you” (wewe/yako) or “me” (mimi/yangu) follow quite quickly, as do …

Greetings and their replies

Mambo? Poa (Cool)
Niaje? Safi (Clean)
Sema? Poa (Cool)

When someone inquires as to the success or pleasure of something they will ask,

Habari ya …?

(Wewe, Asabui, Leo, Jioni, Safari, etc.) (You, morning, day, night, trip, etc.)

The replies might be:

Nzuri Good
Mbaya Bad
Hatari Dangerous
Poa Cool, Beautiful, Pretty

Before any of the above, you could say:

Ni This/is/it/it's
Si Negation of 'Ni'

Tuanane I will see you …
Kwaheri Farewell

In between any statement and another you might want to add,

Pole pole, nasema Kiswahili kidogo tu
(Slowly, I speak just a little Swahili)

Compliments:

One of the first compliments I learned in Nairobi was:

“Uko na matako poa!” (You have a cool ass)

But, I guess, you can use the expression equally for:

Legs Mgoo (there is no differentiation between legs and feet in Swahili)
Eyes Macho
Breasts Amatiti
Face Sura
Hands Mkono

If you have to repeat it, you might want to say:

Nasema... I am saying/I say ...

And then ask ...

Unaskia? Do you hear/feel/understand

Aya! Yes
Hapana! No

Exclamations

Any of the following can be followed by “Wewe!”, saying the person you are talking to fits the description:

Mkora A person who ‘knows’
Mrembo A well-dressed or good looking person
Mkubwa A ‘big’ person (as in The Main Man)
Mjinga A foolish person
Sonko To be a boss or rich (more adjective than noun)

Then there are a number of questions that can be asked with one word:

Wapi? Where?
Nini? What?
Lini? When?
Nani? Who?
Gani? Which type?

Wewe You
Uko You
Mimi Me
Yeye He/she
Yako Yours
Yangu Mine

Nili I was
Nime I am
Nita I will

Hapa Here
Hapo/pale There
Enda Go
Endalea Go there, continue
Naenda I am going
Twende We go/Let's go
Ingia Enter
Kuja Come

Juu Up, high
Chini Down, low
Songa Move
Weka Put
Fanya Do
Fanya hivo Do this
Taka Want

Mingi Many
Kubwa Large
Kidogo Little/small/few
Ndogo Small (item)

Na And, with, have
Kwa To, by, for
Kutoka/toka From

Qualifications

Lakini But
Subabu Because
Bado Not yet

***

Joto Hot (body temperature)
Moto Warm, fire, cigarette light
Baridi Cold

Mvumbi Dust
Mvua Rain
Matope Mud

Possessives

When you want to say that you have something, Niko na means 'I am with', or 'I have'. And the most pleasing addition to this, for most Nairobians, is the word pesa (money).

Pesa Money
Credo Sheng for credit on your mobile
Sigara Cigarettes
Homa Fever
Ugonjwa Sickness
Pombe Alcohol
Dawa Medicine or drugs

In reply to the question: “Uko na …?” you will simply say “Iko” (I have) or “Sina” (not with).

***

Common expressions

Una fanya nini? What are you doing?
Una taka nini? What do you want?
Una enda wapi? Where are you going?


Common confusions

Mbele In front, forward
Mbali Far
Mbili Two

Nyumba(ni) Home or house
Nyuma Behind
Nyama Meat

Narudi I am coming back
Rudisha To put back
Dirisha Window

Matope Mud
Matoke A Kenyan food

Numbers

Moja One
Mbili Two
Tatu Three
Nne Four
Tano Five
Sita Six
Saba Seven
Nane Eight
Tisa Nine
Kumi Ten
Kumi na moja Eleven
Kumi na mbili Twelve

Hamsini Fifty
Mia moja One hundred
Mia mbili Two hundred

When specifying days of the week or months, English is most commonly used. I don't even think Nairobians know these words.

Times of Day

Times of day are expressed in Swahili as starting from 6am. In other words, “saa moja” is 6am plus 1 = 7am. “Saa kumi” is 6am + 10 = 4pm. It takes some getting used to.

Expression of Relative Times

Asabui Morning
Alasiri Afternoon
Jioni Night

Jana Yesterday
Usiku Today
Kesho Tomorrow

Baadaye Later
Mapema Early

***

And when asked, “How was it for you?”, you simply reply “Nili tamu sana!” (It was very sweet!)

-oOo-

1. Strictly speaking the people are Swahilis and the language is Kiswahili.
2. The greeting, “Jambo!” implies the further use of English in conversation and is usually accorded someone who looks like a newcomer to Kenya.
3. This piece got more hits than any other on my blog.

A guide to khat/miraa in Kenya (well, Nairobi mainly)

For some travellers, a Nairobi safari wouldn't be complete without at least one night of chewing khat (miraa). Kenya is very civilised in that it's entirely legal to get high on this African cocaine and it's a pastime that a great many Nairobians enjoy over the weekend. Dukas (shops) selling fresh miraa are spread throughout downtown Nairobi and there are quite a few in Westlands too. I used to wonder what the smell at Woodlands Place was. It smelled to me like South African 'biltong'. Like pickled meat. Then I got the smell when I was downtown, as they were unpacking. Then I knew.
 
Miraa has the same active ingredient as the drug cat (cathenone), but in much smaller quantities. A miraa session therefore usually involves a good few hours of ruminating. The active ingredient acts as an aphrodisiac but not exactly a male performance enhancer. But reports vary and I suspect if you can properly focus your mind it might be okay, sexually speaking. But usually you are so far away that sex seems unimportant.

The substance is grown in Meru and Maua mostly and is a cash crop that has made many a millionaire. It comes from an ugly gnarled tree. The crop is precious. They call it green gold.

There are four or so main varieties, and the potency of the miraa plant diminishes rapidly after it has been harvested. If you spend a little time in Nanyuki you may see three-ton pickups loaded with 10 tons of miraa racing through the town, on the way to Wilson Airport in Nairobi. The pick-ups sway under the load and nothing gets in their way. Daily flights from Wilson to Somalia and England put huge amounts of money into the economy of Meru and Maua but you'll never see much evidence of it.

The most common response to a cheek full of well-chewed miraa, or khat, is absolute silence. The chewer gets kinda introspective and seems incapable of saying much – or anything at all - for a few hours at least. The ruminator sits still, with a slightly surprised look spread across his face.
The second response (thankfully, less common) is that the chewer becomes an instant and irrepressible 'story-teller' and waxes non-stop, for hours on end, about his life, its general condition and then, perhaps inevitably, about the inevitability of Kenyan politics.
The two responses are, of course, highly complementary, with one large group sitting hakuna story, listening (feigning a deaf-mute condition), while one or two of their number rambles on in solo mode, stopping only to pop another ground-nut-accompaniment, or piece of sweet Big-G chewing gum into his mouth. These, to alleviate the khat’s bitter flavour.

In downtown Nairobi there is no shortage of miraa sellers (and certainly no shortage of consumers). Every few doors, the full length and breadth of the downtown streets, there is a ‘duka la miraa’ (miraa shop) that usually moonlights also as a general ‘kiosk’ (selling sodas, sigara, maji na mandazi) or a ‘wine and spirit’ merchant, selling lots of Kenya Cane or Kenya King. Particularly on a Friday afternoon, one will see literally hundreds of one-kilo packets of miraa, fresh from Meru, and wrapped neatly in fresh banana leaves, being unloaded from any number of trailers or pick-ups. And the number of buyers well-exceeds the number of packs being unfurled. Chewing miraa is more than a national pastime among the workers of Kenya – it amounts to an obsession.

Competition is stiff between the various miraa shops and their daily custom is dependent, obviously, on the quality of product being sold. Generally the product sells fast, and only here and there you will see an unhappy customer complaining about the low grade of the narcotic being sold, or perhaps moaning that the kilo seems to have mysteriously diminished in volume! For the rest, it’s a matter of buying one’s stash and then finding a decent place to chew.

For many, chewing will start on a Friday afternoon and might end a day-and-a-half later, on Sunday morning. Abstinence from Sunday morning onwards is somewhat forced - or else the chewer is unlikely to get any sleep before work starts on Monday. Miraa is often referred to as ‘African Cocaine’ and it shares many of the properties of its Andean counterpart.

While there are lots of miraa ‘dukas’ (shops), there are far fewer 'chewing taverns', if I may call them that. I mention this because, while miraa chewing is not particularly unacceptable as a social pastime, it is also not condoned as an activity that can be indulged anywhere or everywhere.

Interestingly, in Tanzania, miraa is a strongly prohibited substance, while the smoking of marijuana tends to be tolerated. In Kenya, on the other hand, miraa is completely legal and marijuana smoking tends to be indulged in for fear of death (well, almost).

If you buy miraa, you cannot simply stop at any spot to indulge your narcotic fancy. Rather, you have to find a pub or club that allows such, or you have to buy from a shop where there is also place to chew. 

Klub House, aka K1, on Museum Hill, is nice. Good music too. 

Eating 'local' in Nairobi

Eating ‘local’ in Nairobi is a great experience for the more adventurous traveler. Or the very poor one. There's some good food on offer at every level. And I have eaten at every level of 'local' in Nairobi.

If you have some money available and you enjoy meat - including goat and crocodile - catch a cab to the Carnivore, gorge yourself on their dinner and then party there afterwards. It's a legendary Nairobi thing to do.

Of course, you can always go for pasta at Trattoria or a burger at Steers if you really have to. And then, of course, the kitchen at the Serena is always excellent. But prices are high by greater Nairobi standards. Sure, I liked Trattoria and it was a favourite of mine when I was sonko (a boss) and doing well in Nairobi. Later, I only got to drink cappuccino there as a special treat!

And, as a businessman, I did get to eat at the Serena a few times with the East African Association. This, also when I was sonko. The rest of the time, my varying fortunes took me to some great, less costly places.

Probably the best 'bistro' type meal can be had at the Art Cafe at Westgate. Most dishes are excellent and the pastry chef is brilliant. Service is slow but a pleasure when you just want to hang out. It's worth the money.

There are a number of places in Nairobi that serve very substantial portions of food at very good prices. The kitchens are clean and you won’t suffer any effects from eating at them. They will offer you a better experience than the restaurant at the hotel.

***

Somali and Ethiopian food is usually spicier than food from other of Kenya's border countries. Middle Eastern and Arabic influences are strongly in evidence.

Get onto Kenyatta Avenue, heading downtown. As you get to the Stanley Hotel, on the corner of Kenyatta Avenue and Kimathi Street, look left (with the Stanley on your right). You will see a few turrets of the rather beautiful Jamia Mosque, behind the imposing façade of the Macmillan Library facing you. To the right, behind the mosque, you'll find the Ul Yusra restaurant, a Somali establishment that serves a wide variety of Somali dishes. If you don't find it, you can always ask one of the Somalis hanging out at the mosque.

Habesha is Ethiopian. The town branch of Habesha is very close to the Uhuru Highway but doesn’t suffer from noise or exhaust pollution. It serves the 'national food' of Ethiopia, which can only mean one thing: injera.

Injera is a traditional Ethiopian staple made from fermented sorghum and is served with small portions of Ethiopian specialities. It costs around Ksh800 for a plate that will usually feed two people well. Enjoy eating with your hands.

There is another Habesha on Argwings Khodek Road (near Yaya Centre) if you have time to relax after eating. It's a cool place to have a few drinks after a meal. But Ul Yusra is special because it is so authentically Somali. Even if you can't drink there.

***

Swahili food comprised some of the best dishes I ate in Nairobi and, of course, Mombasa. Eating at “Coast Dishes”, located at 'Coast Bus', is a treat and a rare Nairobi experience. Alternatively “Malindi Dishes” is better, I think. But Erica disagrees.

Both Coast and Malindi Dishes are as 'local' as can be – Swahili - but give one access to the 'real' Nairobi like few other places do.

Both restaurants are strictly halal and serve Swahili dishes, mild yellow curries and tikka dishes. Food is served from clean kitchens. Plates piled high with pilau or pishori rice pass. They are topped with pieces of chicken or beef or goat or even vegan fare. The prices are very reasonable by Nairobi standards.

To get there: If you are coming down Accra Road you will find Coast Dishes at the junction of River Road. Malindi Dishes is to your right, at the top of Sheik ?? Road. I actually prefer Malindi Dishes for a few reasons: it is usually a little less cramped than Coast Dishes, there is music and there is a makeshift mosque out back. Malindi dishes also has a more decorative and pleasant eating environment. And the chapattis are flowing from the pan at the door.

Around lunchtime, expect to share your table with people from anywhere. Choose from the menu or the buffet spread.

Before eating you are brought a plastic basin over which you will wash as a waiter pours water steadily over your hands. Taarab music or perhaps more fundamentally Muslim sounds may be heard gently through the sound system. The place is full of Muslims in traditional dress and ordinary street wear. And at 1pm, many of them will rise from their tables to join the throng of worshipers for prayers.

But, aside from Muslims, you will also find Christians and other members of Kenya’s populace in hungry attendance, all wanting a full meal for half the price of what they’re used to paying uptown. And the food is good.

***

Kenya has a plain eating tradition that is only spiced up by Hindu or Swahili culinary influences. The rest is pretty plain. But there are a few really tasty dishes.

Starting ‘uptown’ once again, one can eat at BJ’s Kitchen that is located near View Park Towers and the Alliance Francais off Loita Street. The restaurant serves traditional Kenyan food and more regular dishes like hamburgers and steak. Their tilapia is quite good and also the kienyeji, ndengu and chapatti.

Heading downtown, on Kenyatta Avenue, Simmers is on your right, after the big blue I&M building on your left. Simmers does an excellent 'local' lunch. You will pay a little more to eat at Simmers than you might at strictly ‘downtown’ restaurants but it is probably worth it. They have a wide range of Kenyan dishes and accompaniments on offer during lunchtime and most are very good.

Now you have to head a little more downtown to experience real Kenyan food.

The Highland Restaurant on ‘African Corner’ - where you get matatus to Westlands at most times of night and day - is a firm favourite of Nairobians. To get there, ask directions to the Nairobi Fire Station, stay on the opposite side of the road and heading out of town you will see Highland (in green) as you get to the corner. Between you and the restaurant you will also see a small but very busy matatu ‘stage’ in the little side street. Be careful that you don’t get run over by one of them when you cross the road to reach Highland. Also, don’t ask any of the matatu touts where the Highland is, because they will just try rushing you to “Westlands”.

Highland serves all the dishes listed below, mostly at very reasonable prices. It can, however, can get uncomfortably full in the evenings as Nairobians meet, and wait for Nairobi’s interminable traffic jam to ease. In the evening, ask for any of the dishes I describe later. They are all quite good. Portions are substantial.

If you are partial to something akin to an ‘English breakfast’, Highland serves a fairly close facsimile. However, you are not likely to find such a breakfast at many other local restaurants in town. Bacon is costly in Nairobi and not something that Nairobians ordinarily eat. The mandazi at Highland are cooked on-premises and are often still warm till around 10am. Mandazi na chai is worth having as a mid-morning snack at 45 bob.

If the Highland is full, you might want to try the Roast House. This place is across Tom Mboya Street (the road that the Fire Station is on), across the traffic roundabout where all the matatus are, and over the road (passing the beginning of River Road on your right). Look for the Roast House sign, located quite high up on the opposite building. Be warned that the matatus on the traffic roundabout often park extremely close to each other and it can be like mastering a maze to the other side. But, never mind, you’ll survive it.

Roast House was a favourite of mine for breakfast and in the mornings. They have a chef in the midst of the patrons who cooks eggs, omelettes and the like in situ. If you choose, you can stand there and have your egg dish cooked exactly as you like it! This is often necessary in Nairobi. Eggs are not a big thing.

The local fare – for lunch and dinner - at Roast House is also quite good and priced similarly to Highland. 

But the special feature of Roast House (actually the butcher next door) is the samosas that appear on a choma stand outside from about 2pm. The samosas are very fresh every day, and you are unlikely to suffer Nairobi stomach from eating them. They are not spicy but can help yourself to the kachumbari that is available, for free, in a stainless steel container on the table. The kachumbari is hot and one of the best I ever tasted in Nairobi. You are just welcome to help yourself to it and can even sit at the little table while you eat a samosa. Street eating, Nairobi!

It is interesting that you seldom see Nairobians eating on the street at all and even when eating a samosa will be inclined to hold it with a serviette ('tissue') and almost shyly peck at it on the sidewalk.

The Kipepeo (Butterfly) Hotel on River Road serves a great Swahili chai tea and not a bad English breakfast by Nairobi standards for around Ksh400.

***

Nairobians perhaps eat more kuku na 'chipo' (chicken and chips) than anything else during lunch hours and on any given day you will find the multitude of chicken places on Moi Avenue filled beyond capacity. Because there is a high turnover of chickens, the birds are always fresh. But you may find that the chicken lacks much flavour. It might have something to do with what and how they are fed. I don’t know, but the chicken is healthy enough even if a little oily from being deep fried after roasting. I never suffered any stomach problems from Nairobi take-away chicken.

There is a ‘chain’ of chicken outlets that is particularly good and renowned for their chips (or chipo as they are called in Sheng). These places have a blue sign outside advertising Fish and Chips but I have never seen a single fish at any of the branches. They go by the name of ‘Sonford’ on Moi Avenue, ‘Altona’ opposite the Hilton, or 'Nevada' on Tom Mboya. For kuku, chipo and a soda you will generally pay around Ksh200. Sit with the Kenyans and rip a chicken to shreds.

After Sonford, my favourite chicken outlet was the Red Robin, also on Moi Avenue but opposite the park, heading towards the verdant side of town (you’ll notice the difference between one side and the other immediately). Find Sonford, behind Nation Media House. Red Robin is on the same side as Sonford, but a little way out.

There's another Red Robin towards the area called Bus Station but you're not likely to go that end of town. Don't get confused. Dot and I each erupted in our own particular way, thinking each was at the other branch.

“I'm outside! Where are you?” she screamed.
“I'm outside! Where are you?” I screamed louder.

We repeated this three times and needless to say, we didn't go home together that night.

She's conning me I thought. She's probably with another guy.

The particular delight of both branches of Red Robin is the really good chili sauce they offer with their chicken. The sauce is kept in a little bucket next to the chicken counter and you are welcome to help yourself. The idea is to pour the chili sauce over your chicken and then wrap the chicken up in the plastic sheet it is served on. Shake the chicken around a bit inside and then go eat at one of the counters. Somehow, the chili gets quickly infused into the chicken and it is really delicious. Most chili sauce in Nairobi is highly synthetic but not so at Red Robin where, I would venture, it's made by a Swahili.

***

Now, there is a Luo restaurant on Sheik ?? Road whose name I can’t remember. Heading down Accra Road and coming to River Road, take a right. Sheik ?? Road is on your right. Go up, and somewhere on your left, perhaps halfway up, is a restaurant with stairs leading up. It's the only restaurant on the left side, so you shouldn't have too much trouble finding it. The place serves really good tilapia, spinach and ugali for around Ksh180 and it's a treat!

***

At night, there are usually numerous choma stands to be found around town and feel free to eat any of the snacks from these. Note, however, that Kenyan beef is often quite tough, from the long distances the Maasai herders take them to find grazing. But if you are resident in an apartment and choose to cook, the meat found at the supermarkets, while expensive, is probably more what you are used to in terms of tenderness and texture.

Often it’s fine to eat kebabs and sausages from the choma stands but I cannot vouch for the quality of meat in the samosas, other than at Roast House. I once ate a samosa from a sidewalk choma stand and suffered so much I could not leave the house for two days! The samosas at clubs might all be in the same order, so be careful.

They are not always easy to find, but during the day and early evening you will often find ‘trailers’ downtown that carry fresh whole fruits that will be cut up, almost to order, for you to enjoy a fruit salad on the sidewalk. On Duruma Road (one street below River Road) there is usually a trailer or two round lunchtime and they sell fresh cut fruit salad for around Ksh60, served in a clean plastic bowl with spoon. Just walk a bit on Duruma Road between 12pm and 1pm and you will usually find one.

Finally, if you are spending a late night at Madhouse, you can enjoy an ‘omelette’ Nairobi style and tea or coffee on the sidewalk for 60 bob. Ask for dhania (coriander leaves) to go with your omelet and pili-pili if they have it. When they cook the omelette with bread together, or pamoja, it is particularly good. Their tea is better than their coffee.

This reminds me: if you like to eat fried eggs in the morning, they will be available at diners and restaurants, but you will have to specify how you want them cooked. Most often you will get a rough omelette or an egg that looks like it was boiled before it was fried. And the colour of the yolk is often not much different from the white; to do with the what they're fed, evidently. Ova probably don't thrive on left-over maize meal.

But Kenya is not big on fried eggs. It's often best just to ask for the egg to be cooked pamoja (together) with mandazi. This way of cooking eggs is usually understood and is essentially French toast, Kenya style. You can say,

Pika mayai na mandazi pamoja”.

***

Glossary of Kenyan Foods and Dishes

I suppose it would be customary to give the English term first, followed by the Swahili but because some of the dishes and side orders need just a little explanation, I have given the Swahili terms first. I suppose, if you are looking at a menu, in most instances you will get an English version anyway, but if you are ordering from more ‘local’ restaurant, the dish will probably appear in vernacular only.

Main dishes

Githeri Main dish made with beans and maize (corn)
Maharagwe Main dish made from beans
Matoke Main dish made from stewed green bananas and potato
Ndengu Main dish made from green lentils
Pilau Main dish of pilau rice usually mixed with a small portion of meat

Snacks and accompaniments

Chapatti Indian fried flat ‘bread’
Mshikaki A kebab
Samosa Indian meat-filled pastry snack
Smokie Brand name for small smoked sausages, often sold on the street

Rice

Mchele Plain rice
Pilau Dish made from pishori rice
Pishori Basmati rice

Cooking styles

Choma Flame grilled
Fry Used instead of the term ‘fried’
Boil Used instead of the term ‘boiled’

Meats & fish

Kuku Chicken
Ngombe Beef
Matumbo Stomach (entrails) of a cow
Mbuzi Goat

Tilapia Fresh water fish from Lake Victoria
Perch Fresh water fish from Lake Victoria
Red snapper Salt water fish from Mombasa

Side Orders

Kienyeji Side order made from mashed peas and corn
Sukuma Leaf of a wild plant, chopped and served like spinach
Ugali Maize meal (the staple that accompanies most meals in Africa)
Mboga (vegetable) Usually refers to cabbage, sukuma or spinach
Pili-pili Chili peppers
Mchuzi/soupo Sauce
Kachumbari Finely chopped tomato and onion, sometimes with chili

Beverages & Basics

Chai Tea
Kahawa Coffee
Maji Water
Maziwa Milk
Sukari Sugar
Chumvi Salt
Masala Indian spices (in Tea or with chips)

Vegetables

Kitunguu Onion
Nyanya Tomato
Kiazi/Waluu Potato
Mchicha Spinach

At Breakfast

Mayai Egg
Mkate Bread (sometimes also called 'toast')
Mandazi Fried bread snack eaten at breakfast or as a snack
Mahamri A Swahili mandazi (usually slightly spicy)
Uji Thin porridge made from sorghum, served with lemon juice

Crockery & cutlery

Kikombe Cup
Kioo Glass
Kisu Knife
Uma Fork
Sahani Plate
Kisahani Saucer
Sufuria Saucepan

Jiko Usually refers to coal- or wood-burning stove
Meko Usually refers to a gas stove

Comments, Compliments & Commands

Ni tamu Is ‘sweet’/tasty
Ni tosha Is sufficient
Nime shiba I am satisfied / have had enough

Patie … Give me … (Considered impolite in Mombasa)

Twice in a Lifetime ...

(Submitted to Daily Nation and Standard on Constitution Day but I don't think published)

We queued for hours to vote for Madiba because, after decades of repression, we knew our time had eventually come. We recognized being on the brink of a new age and we knew better times were ahead. The ‘struggle for freedom’ had been won.

It was a privilege for me to experience this in South Africa and I hope to experience the great privilege again, this time in Kenya. But today I can’t urge any Kenyan to vote in any particular direction. It is indeed a matter of personal conscience that should never have been a matter of campaign.

But IF Kenya’s new constitution is passed, it will achieve nothing less than the self-same ‘liberation’ I experienced in South Africa. Kenyans shall be similarly freed from decades of repression. And the nation will stand proud, simply by virtue of being ‘free’.

I think few Kenyans truly appreciate the effect that a simple ‘sense’ of freedom has. Stemming from the rough-shod ride they have had, and the so-called ‘culture of impunity’ all the way, ordinary Kenyans have a deep-rooted pessimism about all aspects of their past, current and future governance ... Many don’t believe that anything will change at all.

Yet in South Africa, just the idea of ‘freedom’ led to many people jumping up and down, complaining about their rights being violated. And when they took it to the highest court, they stood there with mouths wide open as they found their rights were consistently upheld and defended. There quickly grew a knowledge that the change really was ‘for real’ and nothing would be the same again. People seemed to laugh and smile a lot more. And the same will happen here. The courts had better be ready for it.

I venture to say that within two years Kenyans will shake their heads in dismay that things could have been so bad and that things are now so much better. Simply because they feel ‘free’ and are free to act in their own interests. Things fall apart. And other things change radically for the better.

By voting at this stage in the nation’s history, Kenyans have nothing to lose and absolutely everything to gain. And by voting, they will have played a part in the future. Today I still feel proud of the fact that I was a small part of the change that came to South Africa. I urge Kenyans to do the same today – be a part of history and vote!

And really, that which is born of freedom is so much greater than the feeling of darkness and oppression that will remain while the ‘contentious clauses’ are dealt with. Paul Muite said it succinctly the other day: “The liberation of Kenya is not about abortion or Kadhi’s courts”. It is about liberating Kenya from decades of hegemony and the nation is on the brink of achieving this liberation.

Can the country stand another year of darkness just to renegotiate these ‘contentious clauses’. I don’t think so. I know the youth couldn’t stand it. And that is who the document is really intended for - the youth and their children’s children.

That there is an abortion ‘loophole’ I will readily agree. Abortion will be performed under advisement of a trained medical professional - perhaps even a psychologist. It is true that this will essentially legalise abortion. But, dogma aside, I see this as the only humane solution for every population- and poverty-strained nation in Africa. We know that the abortion will happen anyway, perhaps with lethal consequences for mother and child. Is there not perhaps an argument in favour of pragmatic and humane tolerance in the face of dire need?

The churches can certainly rail against abortion anywhere they like. It is their right to do so. But is it their right to impose their beliefs on everyone else? We don’t want to commit a young woman and her child to a life of misery for the sake of partisan beliefs. Destitution and prostitution don’t contribute much to a wholesome and healthy nation. And surely, a healthy nation, with humane treatment of its people,  should be the long-term imperative of any nation state.

I also don’t think the Kadhi’s courts should be mentioned in the new law at all. The courts should simply be protected under a Right of Religion and the right to practice such anywhere in the country (not just in the ‘coastal strip’). The Kadhi’s courts pertain to family matters and don’t affect mainstream law in Kenya at all. Those that abide by them will always do so in accordance with long-standing (pre-Colonial) cultural and religious practices. So, let’s face it, no one else, other than Muslims, need to be concerned with the Kadhi’s courts.   

But, all in all, I believe that on this day good sense will prevail and the katiba will indeed be passed by an overwhelming majority.  I believe Kenyans will vote unerringly with the interests of their fellows, and their children, at heart, and will very gladly usher in a new era. And those that have opposed the new era may well find themselves on the scrap-heap of history. 

Kenya, I wish you every success for the future you deserve. For your future is indeed bright.


Amani na upendo mingi sana.


B-)

The Valentines Day Massacre …


Saturday last, the 13th February, was a momentous day for Kenya, whatever ultimately transpires ….

Concrete action was taken against eight senior-government officials suspected of corruption and mismanagement of public funds. This, for the first time. They were removed from office.

Support for the move is overwhelming. But tensions are high, despite the enduring ‘good nature’ that usually prevails:

The suspension of two Ministers – Education (see prior blog) and Agriculture - executed by the Prime Minister, have been nullified by the President.

The people are as mad as hell and maybe they are getting ready to do something about it... There's talk of mass action during the coming week.

B-)